If you’re a woman who has found herself repeatedly disappointed in the dating world, you’re not alone. Many women today are wondering where all the good men have gone, and more importantly—how can you tell if a man is truly a quality partner, or just good at pretending?
It’s easy for someone to say the right things during a date, especially in the early stages when everyone is putting their best foot forward. That’s why learning to observe—not just listen—is key. A man reveals himself through his habits, values, and the way he treats others. These five tips will help you analyze his character beyond the surface and save you precious time.
1. Watch His Manners Closely
This may sound old-fashioned, but the smallest gestures say a lot. How does he treat the waiter? Does he hold the door open, offer you the more comfortable seat, or help you with your coat? How does he speak—not just to you, but about others?
Politeness, respect, and attentiveness are not random. They are signs of how a man was raised, the values he holds, and how he sees women in general. A man who doesn’t care to make a woman feel comfortable or respected in the first hour will likely not transform into a gentleman down the road.
Also pay attention to how he carries himself: does he sit confidently but respectfully? Is he calm and collected when ordering, or does he treat service staff like they’re beneath him? These aren’t trivial details. They’re small windows into his true character.
2. Let Him Talk Briefly About His Ex
You don’t need to dwell on past relationships on a first date, but casually asking, “How long have you been single?” or “What did you learn from your last relationship?” can be surprisingly revealing.
Listen to how he talks about his ex—not just what he says. Does he show bitterness or blame? Does he paint himself as the constant victim? Or does he reflect with maturity, showing that he’s taken some responsibility and grown from the experience?
A man who speaks respectfully about someone he once loved—even if it ended badly—shows emotional maturity. On the other hand, if he rushes to criticize or uses harsh words, it may be a sign that he lacks empathy or is still emotionally tangled in that chapter.
Also, if he avoids the topic completely or becomes defensive, take note. You’re not looking for drama—you’re looking for signs of emotional stability and a grounded view of relationships.
3. Ask Him How He Sees the Role of a Man and a Woman
This one is crucial, especially if you’re a woman who values traditional roles, or simply wants clarity about expectations in a relationship.
Try asking something like, “How do you see the dynamic between a man and a woman in a relationship?” or “What kind of relationship do you want to build?”
His answer will reveal a lot. Does he believe in providing and protecting, or does he shift all the responsibility onto you? Does he see partnership as two people walking side-by-side with shared values—or is his idea of love mostly about convenience and fun?
You’re not looking for perfection. You’re looking for alignment. If his vision of love and family feels miles apart from yours, don’t try to bridge the gap with hope. Differences in core beliefs are rarely fixed with time—they often become bigger.
4. Take Note of His Nightlife Habits
This one is easy to overlook, but it’s a red flag in disguise. A man’s habits after dark say a lot about what stage of life he’s in—and what he’s really looking for.
If he regularly stays out past midnight, especially during the week, ask yourself why. Is he chasing fun? Partying with friends most nights? Always “out and about”? While socializing isn’t a bad thing, a man who thrives on nightlife may not be emotionally ready to settle down.
This doesn’t mean he’s a bad person—but it could mean he’s still in a phase of seeking excitement, freedom, or constant stimulation. A man who’s genuinely ready to build something long-term usually values peace, routine, and depth—not just short-lived adventures.
5. Pay Attention to the Balance of the Conversation
This tip is subtle but powerful. During your date, take a step back and observe the flow of the conversation. Does he ask questions about you—your values, your passions, your life? Or is he mostly focused on telling you about himself?
It’s normal for people to be a little nervous at first, and some may overshare due to anxiety. But in general, a man who’s genuinely interested in you will make space for your voice. He’ll ask questions, listen closely, and remember the little things you say.
If you find that the date feels like a monologue about his career, his car, his gym routine, or how “all women these days” are the problem—this isn’t someone who’s curious about you. It’s a sign of someone who may not be ready (or willing) to build a real emotional connection.
Dating today can feel exhausting. But learning to analyze men with clarity, rather than with hope or assumptions, will protect your energy and your heart.
If during the date you notice more than two of these signs, it might be a clue that this isn’t the man for you. You don’t need to wait for dramatic proof. Your time, your peace, and your values are far too precious to waste.
There are good men out there—men who are kind, emotionally mature, and eager to build something real. But the key is in learning to spot them quickly… and just as importantly, to walk away from those who aren’t aligned with what you truly want.
Wishing you love, clarity, and the courage to choose only what feels right.
Florent Raimy – International Matchmaker and Relationship Expert